Sleep, I miss you. Come back to me.

I am in the throes of a really terrible bout of insomnia that's been going on for over a week now, and it is miserable.  My bedtime is 10PM usually; sleep is one of my all-time BFFs. We have friendship bracelets and they are called my blanket and pillows and the fact that I can't fall asleep feels like a personal betrayal on par with the Othello/Iago fiasco (maybe. I am too lazy to wikipedia it but there was definitely a Julia Stiles movie about it. My confidence on this point is approximately 52%).

Here is a fun list of some of the things I have gotten up to as the sweet succor of sleep plays the cruelest game of hide and seek I've ever been part of: (Actually that's not true because one time my douchebag brother told me we were playing and sent me to hide and then watched Saved By The Bell for a FULL EPISODE while I crouched on top of my parents' dresser in their closet, incognito as shit all covered up in my dad's dress shirts.  But I digress.)

I tried in vain to choose a contemporary piece of music to be the score to a song I've been composing since high school, when I had a few weeks where I only got three hours of sleep a night.  The lyrics are mostly "Can't sleep, SO TIRED, Can't sleep, SO TIRED!"  Before you judgmental sloots cast aspersions on my lyricism, remember that this is a DIRGE, borne of a bone-deep need to catch some Z's.  I KNOW THAT APOSTROPHES AREN'T THE RIGHT WAY TO INDICATE PLURALS BUT "Zs" LOOKS WRONG.

Anyway, I thought maybe I would use that Band of Horses song, and instead of "I could sleep.... I could sleeeeeeeep" just say "I can't sleep..... I can't sleeeeeep," but that feels too on-the-nose.  The search continues.

I youtube searched things that I thought might be soporific in some way.  Sample search queries: "make me sleepy" "hypnosis?" "lullaby music."  The "hypnosis" search got me to the weird part of youtube and I got super creeped out, so now, instead of just being hyper-alert, I am also deeply uncomfortable with the deviance of humanity.

I have watched two (and counting!) episodes of The Mindy Project. Initially I thought it was too cheerful and uppity (and thus, stimulating) to play while futilely trying to sleep.  (Update: second episode just ended and I am wiiiiide awake.  Third episode? Don't mind if I do!) However, after the above youtube efforts failed MISERABLY, I decided that maybe I'm just never going to fall asleep again and this is Day 1 of the 11 or so days I have left to live.  Let's just hope days 8-10 of severe, deadly insomnia are as fun as they say they are.  I hear hallucinations are on the table.

I spent a full thirty minutes searching the internet in vain for a leaked ebook copy of a book that comes out on August 7.  I could not find it.  At least google showed up for the search engine game -- when I looked on bing, it gave me literally 26 results.  Come on, bing. Get your head in the game.

I played four crosswords and only cheated on one of them.  Batting .750, what whaaaat!

I installed a Nintendo 64 emulator and raced a quick Star Cup on MarioKart (as Yoshi, obviously).  Turns out Bowser's Castle is infuriating to navigate without a joystick control -- learned that one the hard way, by which I mean I came in 7th place.  The only racer worse than me was Wario.  WARIO, GUYS.  There really is nothing worse than being beaten by Princess Peach.

I searched on pinterest for houses with secret passageways.  I then googled local architects that build houses with secret passageways.  I lost track of things at this point but somehow wound up reading the trivia section on IMDB for "Scooby Doo."  The TV series, not the live action movie.  It's an important distinction.

I wrote this haiku:

Morpheus, why must
you be such a cocktease? I
Miss you, boo.  I do.

Morpheus, Greek god of dreams, and some smug beezy.  I hate her.

This blog post is too long.  I apologize.  I thought I might bore my brain into submission but apparently I am immune.  Ughhhhh. 

Lowery out. But not out as in "out like a light." WOULD THAT I COULD BE OUT LIKE A LIGHT!